The $250 hotel stay

…Or “How Kevin went to a sleep study”.

Well, my snoring, apnea, restlessness, and sleeplessness finally convinced me through Laureen’s gentle prodding to go get a sleep study done. Wouldn’t you know it, Richardson Regional Hospital has a sleep/wake clinic! In the same building as my dentist! I make an appointment, then reschedule due to being in the middle of a throw-up binge (diverticulitis). So, last night, after cooking some pretty yummy green curry chicken (lotsa veggies, probably too much ginger), I throw some clothes into a Wal-Mart plastic bag and head over for my 8:45 appointment.

The M.D. is an Indian man named Johnson. There are three people at the clinic tonight: a woman who is mostly ready to go when I get there, and a man who comes in after I do. The place is kinda nice: very much like a hotel room, except instead of a Gideon’s bible, there’s a massive oxygen tank. Also, there’s a Fisher & Paykel instrument of some sort (I didn’t realize they made medical stuff — I only knew of them from their washing machines), and the monitor base unit, and all sorts of wires.

After paying at the door and filling out the required forms, I go in to the room, change into jammies and t-shirt (we had a freeze warning last night), and then Johnson comes in around 9:30. He runs electrodes down the shirt and pants and attaches two electrodes on each leg. The upper chest gets one electrode per side. The forehead gets four in a slightly horn-looking configuration. There’s a few ‘trodes on the back of the head, too. A wire loop connects three sensors for each nostril and the mouth. All in all, it’s 21 sensors, connected to a little signal box. I took a picture with my cell phone, but haven’t had the courage to send it to a more permanent place yet.

Johnson then says he’ll be back in a bit after attending to the third arrival. While he’s starting with her, the woman who arrived before me complains that she normally goes to sleep at 9:30 p.m. (it’s about 10:30 now.) The late arrival complains about the temperature of his room. I sit and read my book. We watched the end of that Primetime “How would you react?” special about racism and bullying, and I’m T.V.ed out (shock and amazement). After a bit, I check out the channel list. Hey, they’ve got directTV satellite service. I look through the channels, realize I’m getting tired, so I watch the end of UFC Unleashed. Admittedly, I am not a fan of boxing, since it seems to have been co-opted by morons. I am starting to like the mixed-martial arts stuff, however. No way I’d ever do it, though. I have a hard enough time just walking for exercise. At 11:00 p.m., I go back to reading. I’d had a pleasant conversation with Johnson about culture, the Malayanam language, cricket, and whatnot, but I’m tired, and he still needs to come in and do the final hookups. At 11:15 p.m., he comes back, and we run through the sensor check — move the left leg, move the right leg, move the eyes without moving the head, close your eyes, breathe, hold your breath. He then turns out the light (after rearranging the cables a bit so that I didn’t have to wear the junction box around my neck).

And I lay there, trying to go to sleep while I’m feeling all ‘troded up like Keanu Reeves in The Matrix. It’s a very strange feeling, and the leg sensors make it hard to roll around and turn over. So, I’m guessing they got good data, because it was really difficult to sleep last night. Woke up several times and had vivid dreams, although I can’t really remember what they were about.

At 6 a.m. sharp, Johnson comes back in. I was actually awake before he came in, so the removal of electrodes (and hair) was relatively painless. Now, I’m just awaiting word on what’s going to happen.