Fixing things

Well, the brief inventory of life is:

I need to exercise. This is a given. Last time I exercised, I had chest pains. So, while I’m afraid, I can’t live in fear.

I went to the psychiatrist yesterday who recommended “more of same” in terms of treatment. Not sure how I feel about that, but what’s the harm in trying?

The home desktop where I’d normally write such updates has blown a video card. The motherboard also has issues. It’ll cost about $120 to replace both of them with similar technology. However, we don’t have money for that yet. We have more important things to pay than for a computer that doesn’t get used that much unless I’m trying to write something, and paying our creditors is more important than that.
The biggest problem with having a computer is when you get the urge to replace something, you have to make way too many decisions if you’re a “I can build it better” person. For Macs, you have much more limited choices. PCs, however, can be upgraded in about twenty different directions.

Do you get a new motherboard? If so, will you need a new CPU, because new motherboards don’t necessarily support the older CPUs? Also, will you need new memory, because those old sticks won’t replace what you have? And oh, yeah, the problem you’re trying to fix: some motherboards have onboard video. Those are mostly used for so-called “micro”-ATX systems, which look like little square toaster ovens. Going that direction can lead to some degree of madness.

And even when you get into the type of video card, the motherboard dictates some of that decision process as well.

Hard drive? Oh, everything’s gone to the new standards, so you’ll need a new hard drive or a way to connect the old to new.

As with a lot of things in life, something that really ultimately doesn’t help you get through the day can turn into a series of confusing decisions.

But that’s life, right? I think the biggest sense of “hey, unfair” was realizing that when you grow up, stuff breaks. The magical appliance replacement fairy doesn’t swoop in to fix stuff for you. So when you’re in a home, you’re faced with other choices: home warranty which I might not need, or huge repair bill? It was only by the grace of Laureen’s mom that we were able to pay for the replacement air conditioning system.

There are so many steps to take to finally “growing up”. Part of me feels like I won’t ever get there.

Speaking of not growing up, I’ve been looking at graduate schools and re-reading some of the “What color is your parachute” stuff to really reexamine my life. I just don’t think I can stay in technology forever, at least doing what I’m currently doing. I still believe I can do anything, but why not LISTEN more first and THEN decide?

Even though I’m not Catholic, the pre-Easter period known as Lent has a significance for me: it’s when I try to make a change, just to see if I can do it. This year, I’ve tried to give up judging people, but in some ways, I’ve failed. For that I beg for forgiveness from people and grace from God.

So onward we go.