One with the Puppet
We’re sitting at dinner, and I’m talking about my job. There’s the possibility that I might have to travel. I’m not necessarily against travel; I’m against needless unplanned travel. So I’m saying that I don’t really want to be away from the kids, and Jacob pops up, “We’re always in your heart, daddy.”
The next book is going to be “Things My Son Taught Me”. 🙂
On Saturday, June 1, I was driving back home from the airport. Jessie was in the van, asleep as usual when we go to drop Jacob off for a visit with the grandparents. I had just turned onto the toll road to head back home, when in my left temple, I felt the sensation of liquid moving through a tube under my skin. I don’t know how to adequately explain it other than feeling like a long, skinny balloon was filled with slightly thick liquid, and it had moved from near my ear to the corner of my eye socket. After that, I got a sharp, stabbing localized headache.
My doctor’s nurse, a beautiful, wonderful lady named Barbara, told me it was at that point I should have gone to the Emergency Room. And I probably should have, but I had Jessie in the car, and I had this reason, and I didn’t normally get headaches, and so I really didn’t think it was anything serious. My step-grandfather (grandma’s second husband), recently had a stroke, and while I knew that a headache wasn’t a stroke, I really didn’t know what was going on. I decided to sleep on it. The next day, it felt better, at least until I touched that part of my head. A pattern developed: touch it and it hurts. Occasionally to relieve the boredom of that, a random headache in that part of my head would start. Advil did nothing.
Finally, yesterday I went to the doctor after a week of dealing with this. When Barbara asked why I hadn’t come in earlier, I told her the truth–I was stupid.
The visit led to scheduling a CT-scan at the local hospital, which was this morning. The procedure went well, even though I’m not a big fan of IVs for fainting and nausea reasons. However, they needed to inject contrast, so in went the IV.
The hard part about procedures is how you explain your fears, especially to your kids. How do I tell Jacob that I’m a bit afraid? Jacob has ITP; he gets his finger stuck every six months to check his platelet level. But still, I felt like I had to talk to him about my being afraid and that it was okay to be afraid.
After telling me that he used to be afraid, but he wasn’t anymore, he said this: “Don’t be afraid, Daddy. God is with you.”
I don’t know where he got it, but I’m thankful for him and his little unexpected wisdom.
P.S. The scan came back clean. It’s just an inflamed nerve in my temple.
Pics now available!
Sorry it’s taken so long. Wanted to get the images.
You know, it’s amazing how much misinformation is out there. As soon as the first reports of H1N1 came out, the 24-hour news networks fanned the flames of “this is going to be bad” and has prompted lots of people to do things.
First off, yes. It’s flu. It’s a virus. It can spread pretty fast because it’s what’s called a “novel” strain. “Novel” in this case means “oh, we haven’t seen this before” to the researchers and also to our bodies. We don’t have immunity to this, nor do we have a vaccine. So there’s a higher chance of catching this and getting sick from it.
One of the CDC’s recommendations for handling a disease that can affect a lot of people is to close schools. Let’s face it, we were all in schools once, and you know that no matter how clean you may be able to keep your child, they’re going to pick up something. It happens with Jacob and Jessie at their preschools. And because this virus spreads rapidly, the best thing to do is isolate the cases, treat the symptoms, and move on.
As far as how we treat those symptoms, we’ve got a good health care system in this country. For all its faults, the people doing the work are good at what they do.
The hardest thing for me is watching my kids burn through a fever. No, it’s not flu, but it is something, and so because we want to be cautious, we’ve had the kids out of school for the past two days. Laureen missed work Thursday because of this, and that is the part that is going to be interesting on a larger scale.
Because kids are out of school around the state, someone has to take care of them. Someone has to stay home and miss work. Someone if they don’t have sick days to cover it will not get paid, and for lower-income families, that’s kicking them when they’re down. And what if they lose their job? What happens then?
There are costs to this: the frenzy of analysis done by the media wears on our psyche, the parents have to suddenly juggle their lives moreso than normal, and then there’s the people who actually get sick.
So what happens when the next flu virus comes along and is more lethal than this one?
It’s been a while since I posted some pictures, so here’s some links to galleries.
Jacob and the Texas State Railroad
There are some times when I wonder if people are trying to mess with my head. We were at my parents’ house for Easter, and we walked down the street. There are two houses for sale on that street. One is about my parents’ size and lists for $182,500. The other is about my parents’ size and lists for $250,000. Whoa. Big difference. So we pull the fliers to look, and the quarter-million one includes the updates of “beautiful quarts countertops”.
Today, I check the listing on the web. Yup. Beautiful quarts countertops. Guess they can’t hold gallons.
There were some other things that would cause me to shy away from the house: an unfinished driveway, cracks in the driveway, etc., but those pale in comparison to bad spelling.
So, because I want to see the real estate agent succeed, I send her a message about “hey, don’t know if you know. This is misspelled. Image matters. Etc.”
I get back the following: Thank you for your imput in regards to the improper grammer that was on the description on my quarter of a million dollar listing at xxxxxxxxx. Would you be interested in buying this property if I correct the quartz misspelling?
I want to think the best of this person. I really do. But let’s look at the three things wrong:
1. imput
2. grammer
3. The original issue wasn’t grammar at all. Simple misspelling.
So I sent back a polite reply about how it costs $70K more than the one across the street, etc. That’s where we stand now. Not like we’re moving, but…
It was shortly after 2 a.m. on this day five years ago when I placed a phone call to my mother-in-law and said to her that “Jacob Carl DeWayne Jones was born at 1:44 a.m. weighing 4.04 kg (8 lbs, 3 oz.), and he is perfect.”
I don’t remember everything about that day. I’d taken a Klonopin in order to quell the possibility of fainting due to sight of blood, and because of that, I was pretty calm. It was amazing how rapidly the room changed from “nice-ish hotel room” to “theater of operations” for the doctor and nursing staff. My wife was (and is) amazing, doing the process without epidural. She did take some medication to take the pain away, but she wanted to feel it happen.
I remember thinking we had an amazing doula helping us, telling us what was going on, what our options were, etc. I remember thinking “this changes everything”.
And it has. Oh yes, it has.
Well, the brief inventory of life is:
I need to exercise. This is a given. Last time I exercised, I had chest pains. So, while I’m afraid, I can’t live in fear.
I went to the psychiatrist yesterday who recommended “more of same” in terms of treatment. Not sure how I feel about that, but what’s the harm in trying?
The home desktop where I’d normally write such updates has blown a video card. The motherboard also has issues. It’ll cost about $120 to replace both of them with similar technology. However, we don’t have money for that yet. We have more important things to pay than for a computer that doesn’t get used that much unless I’m trying to write something, and paying our creditors is more important than that.
The biggest problem with having a computer is when you get the urge to replace something, you have to make way too many decisions if you’re a “I can build it better” person. For Macs, you have much more limited choices. PCs, however, can be upgraded in about twenty different directions.
Do you get a new motherboard? If so, will you need a new CPU, because new motherboards don’t necessarily support the older CPUs? Also, will you need new memory, because those old sticks won’t replace what you have? And oh, yeah, the problem you’re trying to fix: some motherboards have onboard video. Those are mostly used for so-called “micro”-ATX systems, which look like little square toaster ovens. Going that direction can lead to some degree of madness.
And even when you get into the type of video card, the motherboard dictates some of that decision process as well.
Hard drive? Oh, everything’s gone to the new standards, so you’ll need a new hard drive or a way to connect the old to new.
As with a lot of things in life, something that really ultimately doesn’t help you get through the day can turn into a series of confusing decisions.
But that’s life, right? I think the biggest sense of “hey, unfair” was realizing that when you grow up, stuff breaks. The magical appliance replacement fairy doesn’t swoop in to fix stuff for you. So when you’re in a home, you’re faced with other choices: home warranty which I might not need, or huge repair bill? It was only by the grace of Laureen’s mom that we were able to pay for the replacement air conditioning system.
There are so many steps to take to finally “growing up”. Part of me feels like I won’t ever get there.
Speaking of not growing up, I’ve been looking at graduate schools and re-reading some of the “What color is your parachute” stuff to really reexamine my life. I just don’t think I can stay in technology forever, at least doing what I’m currently doing. I still believe I can do anything, but why not LISTEN more first and THEN decide?
Even though I’m not Catholic, the pre-Easter period known as Lent has a significance for me: it’s when I try to make a change, just to see if I can do it. This year, I’ve tried to give up judging people, but in some ways, I’ve failed. For that I beg for forgiveness from people and grace from God.
So onward we go.
The stress test went well. They do a sonogram of your heart at “rest”, then they put you on a treadmill to get you up to maximum capacity. For me, this was 3.5 mph at a 14 degree incline, which started after the 6th minute. Immediately after they get your heart up, they do the second sonogram while your heart is maxed. The cardiologist looked at it and said things look good.
So now the ball’s back in the court of the primary care doctor to figure out why my chest hurts.
Thanks for your prayers.
For those that don’t know, yesterday was a somewhat scary day at the Lopey House. Laureen asked me to get up and do the Wii Fit run with her for 8 minutes. Now, even though you’re supposed to swing your arms to burn calories, I tend to just lightly tap my feet. Exercise form aside, afterwards, I felt a pain in my chest that I thought was just gas or somesuch. A few dry heaves later, I realized that it wasn’t that simple.
I finally got in to the doctor today, and the first thing she said was, “well, you really should have gone to the emergency room once you had the pain. This is why women outlive men. Women pay attention to symptoms.” (My doctor is a woman, FYI.)
She orders an EKG and bloodwork. The EKG is normal, so she orders a stress test for this Friday.
Right now, I feel like my life is at that “reply hazy” Magic 8-ball stage. I’ve got some factors working against me: I’m overweight; I have high cholesterol; I have high blood pressure.